


Sex Now Please

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: First Time, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-17
Updated: 2006-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-01 07:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark needs sex immediately and wants Lex to help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Now Please

## Sex Now Please

by Feliz

<http://feliz581.livejournal.com>

* * *

"Lex, I need to have sex." 

Lex jerked his head up in surprise to stare at Clark. "I beg your pardon?" 

"Sex. I need to have it. As soon as possible," Clark insisted. 

"You need to have sex. Immediately," Lex summarized. "Is this some kind of alien biology thing?" 

"No! It's an `I'm the only virgin on the entire Met U campus' kind of thing." 

Realization dawned on Lex as he stood and moved toward Clark, hands out in a placating manner. "I'm sure you are not the only virgin at Met U, Clark." 

"It certainly feels like it. Come on, Lex. I'm sure you had been having sex for years by the time you were my age!" 

"Well, Clark, we are very different people. But that's beside the point, how do you hope to accomplish this goal?" 

"That's where you come in," Clark said with a slight blush. 

"Me, really? Do tell." 

"I figured you would know, you know . . . people." 

"People." Lex crossed his arms across his chest and looked up at Clark with a slight smirk on his face. "What kind of `people' would that be, Clark?" 

Clark's face turned bright red as he managed to stammer out a response. "People who would - that do _things_." 

"What type of `things', Clark? You are going to have to spell it out for me here." 

"Lex! You know what I mean," Clark whined. "Can't you, like, set me up with someone that would be a sure thing?" 

"I have to say that this is surprising coming from a good, wholesome, farmboy like yourself. What would your mother say?" 

"Can we not talk about my mom right now, Lex? Look, can you help me out here or not?" 

Lex stared at Clark for a moment and then turned to head back to his desk. "Sure, Clark. Let me handle it. I'll be in touch." 

"O-okay. Well, I guess-okay." And with that Clark turned and walked out of Lex's penthouse office. 

Lex watched Clark leave then turned his chair away from his desk to face the window and the city down below. So Clark Kent wanted sex, and Lex being the always-accommodating best friend was apparently obligated to fulfill his every whim. 

* * *

Bright and early the following Saturday morning, Clark burst into Lex's office again. "She was brunette, Lex!" 

"Good morning, Clark. I'm fine, and yourself?" 

Clark rolled his eyes at Lex, ignoring the comment. "Seriously, Lex. Catherine had dark, brown hair." 

Lex stared at Clark for a moment before responding, "Yes Clark, I am aware of what Catherine's hair looks like. I just didn't realize it would be a problem for you." 

"Lana has dark hair." Clark stared at Lex as if this comment made perfect sense. 

"Okay, Clark. I'm not following you here. Are you saying that nothing happened last night?" 

"Of course nothing happened, Lex! She had _dark_ _hair_." Lex gazed at Clark as if he had grown a second head. 

"So," Lex began hesitantly. "No brunettes? Is this what you're saying?" 

Clark flopped his tall, built frame onto the couch, with no regard for the fine leather. "Lex, follow me here. It didn't work out with Lana, so why would I want my first time to be with someone who reminded me of her? Does that make any sense to you?" 

Lex cleared his throat before responding. "Forgive me for not thinking things through, Clark," sarcasm coming through loud and clear. "But let me make a few calls and I'll set something up for next Friday night." 

Clark voiced a loud sigh and laid his head back, seemingly content to let Lex take care of the situation. "What's for breakfast?" 

* * *

The next Saturday morning, Lex was prepared when Clark arrived. The cook had a breakfast tray waiting and Lex had moved way from his desk, ready to join his friend on the couch so that he could relive with Clark every detail of the night before. This time Clark came in and headed straight for the tray, grabbing some doughnuts, fruit, and juice before joining Lex on the couch. "She had red hair." 

A small smile graced Lex's lips. "Something wrong with those now, Clark? Is there some redhead that you have loved but not slept with?" Lex took a sip of his coffee as he watched Clark swallow half a doughnut in one bite. 

"Yeah. My mom." 

Only a lifetime of lessons in grace and decorum kept Lex from spewing coffee across the room. "Your mother?!" 

"See? It's not a pretty picture, is it? I can't sleep with someone who reminds me of my Mom, Lex. It's too weird." 

"That is disturbing," he mused. "What about blonde - any issues there?" 

Clark thought on that for a minute before shaking his head. "No. No blonde issues. Well, except for Chloe." 

"Okay, then. It's settled - next Friday's date will be a long, curly-headed blonde." 

"Deal," Clark agreed. "There's gonna be real breakfast soon, right?" 

* * *

The following Saturday Clark found Lex in the dining room, with a simple breakfast spread on the formal table. He piled his plate with pancakes, sausage, eggs, and bacon before taking a seat next to Lex. "She was fake, Lex." 

"I beg your pardon?" 

Clark politely swallowed before responding. "Fake. Jaden's blonde hair? Not so much blonde as bottled. And don't get me started on her breasts. X-ray vision, remember?" 

Lex was speechless for a moment as he gaped at Clark. "So, you have problems with dyed hair and breast implants? That rules out a lot of the women I know, Clark." 

Clark drowned his pancakes in syrup and looked up at Lex, "Now what?" 

"Well, I have a call in to an old clubbing friend, whose hair was pink last I saw. Maybe that will pan out." 

"Can I get an omelet?" 

* * *

The following Friday turned into a boy's night, since Addison had gone back to her natural dark hair. Lex let Clark order pizza with everything and managed to choke down two slices himself. They were halfway through the original Star Wars trilogy when Clark turned to Lex and confessed with no preamble, "Maybe you could set me up with a guy next Friday." 

Lex laughed as he agreed. "Well, the way you are shooting down the women, Clark I may not have a choice." 

"No, I mean - well . . ." Clark blushed brighter than Lex thought possible and stared at the bowl of popcorn in his lap. "I think I like guys better. Or too, maybe." 

Lex just stared at Clark and felt as if his entire world had been tipped on its axis. Clark was gay? Or bisexual? Clark likes guys?! Romantically? _Sexually_?! 

Unsure of how long he had been lost in his own thoughts, Lex felt he should say something--anything to help put Clark at ease. "Me too, Clark." Well, all those elocution lessons had certainly paid off, hadn't they? He cleared his throat and tried again, "I'm bisexual. It's not something I flaunt, necessarily, due to the public stigma, but its true nonetheless." 

Clark turned to him with a confused look, "How come you never told me?" 

"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable, Clark." 

"I mean it when I say that you are my best friend, Lex. Your sexuality doesn't change who you are; it wouldn't change who we are." 

Lex felt an overwhelming urge to hug Clark, but thought it might be inappropriate due to the recent revelations. He settled for a meaningful look as he said, "Thanks, Clark. Your friendship means a lot to me. And the same goes for you, by the way. Whatever your sexuality ends up being, it won't change how much I value you." 

Clark smiled and ducked his head. "Thanks, Lex." 

The two sat quietly for a moment before Lex broke the silence, "Well, now that we've gotten our male bonding out of the way, do you want to finish the movie?" 

"Is there any pizza left?" 

* * *

The next Saturday, Lex was again in the dining room, but this time he was better prepared. He had told the cook to make practically every breakfast food known to man, though just the sight of all the food made Lex a little nauseous. Once again Clark ignored Lex when he came in and set about creating an odd breakfast-food mountain. Once he had taken a seat, he looked toward Lex and stated, "He was too athletic." 

"Too athletic?" 

"Yeah, it was like an obsession! He talked about spending hours at the gym and eating raw eggs and avoiding carbs. I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep at the table! I mean, have you seen the size of his chest? It's massive - just too much." 

"He was too muscular? Isn't that a little hypocritical of you, Clark?" 

Clark looked confused at first, but then realization hit him. "This," he said, motioning towards his torso, "just happened. I didn't do anything for it and I don't obsess about it!" 

"So less physically built, huh? I'll see what I can do," Lex replied. 

"What time are we going to lunch?" 

* * *

A week passed and Lex found himself at something called a `Denny's', which Clark claimed had the "best breakfast ever". Of course, Clark understood that once they left, this entire experience was never to be spoken of again. He decided to be safe and stick with coffee, while Clark went with something called the "Lumberjack Slam". Once their orders had been taken, Clark spoke up. "Weston was stupid." 

"Are we speaking in terms of intellect here?" 

"Well, he just- He lives at home off his parents money and has no motivation about joining the real world and he had no knowledge of current events! We had nothing in common. How I am supposed to sleep with someone I have nothing in common with?!" 

"Clark, you do realize that we aren't talking about marriage here? Its just sex." 

Clark looked hurt. "It's not `just sex' to me, Lex." He swallowed and shifted his gaze down to the table. "Maybe it's girly of me or whatever, but I want it to mean something, you know?" 

Lex felt like a heel. "No, of course, you're right, Clark. It should mean something and it will. Maybe you should just stop trying to rush it. Just spend time with people who you want to spend time with and see where things lead." 

"Yeah, maybe you're right. I should just stop obsessing about it." 

"Of course I'm right," Lex responded with a smirk. 

Clark gifted Lex with a big smile and asked, "Do you think I should have gotten two of the Lumberjack Slams?" 

* * *

Friday night, Lex's doorman buzzed him to say that Clark Kent was waiting in the lobby. Lex told the man to send him up and then went out to meet him at the elevator. "Hey Clark. This is a nice surprise. We didn't have plans, did we?" 

Clark looked nervous and couldn't seem to meet his eyes. "It's you." 

"It's me?" 

"Yeah. It has been for a while, you know? But I didn't know how to tell you or if you even wanted to hear it. And then I thought that maybe if I told you I was going to sleep with someone you would get jealous, but then I couldn't think of anybody. So I asked you to find me someone and thought that would do the trick, but it didn't even after I told you I liked guys. And you have been so great about the whole thing and I didn't know how to tell you. The whole thing just snowballed, you know?" Clark stared at Lex, staring at him, "Say something, please." 

"It's me?" 

Clark reached over, picking up Lex's hand and lacing their fingers together. "Yeah, it's you. I want to, um _spend_ _time_ with you." 

Lex finally found his voice and managed to squeak out a response. "Well, let's do it right. We can go to dinner--" 

Clark leaned in to lightly brush his lips across Lex's. "I'm not hungry." 

fin 


End file.
